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I didn’t realize how much these letters contained. I have been focusing on the sexual orientation thread but equally represented are my parents, spiritual discovery, school and stories about friends and lovers. My spiritual discovery included awakening to feminism – realizing oppression.

In 1989-91, I participated in a forum theatre project with Windsor Feminist Theatre that transformed me. As a group, the members of the company collaborated in a creative process of expressing where we were located in terms of oppression. Anne had taught me about misogyny and homophobia but it wasn’t until we produced our play that I woke up to  the experience of being silenced, stereotyped and marginalized. One of the worst things about oppression is how it can feel normal.

Our short play consisted of three stories captured and shaped from our collective process. One was of a woman who worked in a factory assembling products on a table that was too low and hurt her back. After the actor tried to get the factory foreman to do something about the table, members of the audience were invited overcome his dismissive, patronizing and bullying response to his employee’s problem. Some could, some couldn’t.

On the first night we performed for only women but on the second night we invited men to join the audience. A man was there that was known to us, at least a couple of us had been his lover. He became aggressive during the group discussion and challenged the value of feminism. He interrupted others and made sexist statements. At the same time he remained seemingly polite and respectful, operating within the confines of social acceptability. No one tried to stop him or speak to his behaviour.

Afterwords, at the press club, we gathered around beer to debrief and identified that we had been silenced. The irony was devastating. Also revelatory to me was discovering how my participation in being oppressed lives in my body. A series of conditioned responses that culminate in a subtle fear and paralysis – and not just individually, but collectively, too.

More than containing a message from the past, these letters I wrote to Anne twenty years ago are revealing something I did not expect:  a lens of emphasis. During the time I wrote the letters, I made some life commitments and pledges to both myself and to something sometimes called “the creator” –  for me, the cosmic creative energy that simultaneously exists internally and externally.

I stepped into my life as an adult seeking fairness for people and our ecosystems. I was developing a profound and sacred connection to our universe and its mysteries. I also practiced rejecting conformity and control, questioning consumerism, authority and abhorring television. Most of the important choices I’ve made reflect how these values rooted deeply into me.

Although I never miss a moon (it’s new today) these letters are drawing to my attention that I’ve lost some of my connection to magic and the timeless dance of universe. Occasionally, this blog has provided a place to unpack some mathemagics and philosophy of life – both strongly woven to my faith — and for that I am thankful. I would like to write more along that theme.

With love.